Many of us have been there. We've been interested in a guy or girl, expressed our feelings about them as well as our hopes and desires for a relationship, only to be ignored or overlooked, strung along, or simply rejected. The feeling we experience from not having our feelings reciprocated is awful. We obviously feel rejected, but there are deeper feelings and thoughts that can emerge from this experience. It may bring up our past feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. It may tap into our personal insecurities, whereby we begin asking ourselves critical questions like, "Why don't they like me?" "What's wrong with me?" Even worse, we may begin to judge ourselves and our personal qualities, "If I were better looking or had a better body, he or she would want me." Clearly, the thoughts and emotions that get stirred up from unrequited love are powerful and undoubtedly unhealthy to our sense of self and well-being.
If you are one who is able to walk away from this kind of experience unscathed with your head held high, then we applaud your self-confidence. However, to those who may be deeply hurt by this experience, and to those who are being strung along or holding on to the remotest possibility of a future relationship, here are 6 tips to protect yourself and cope with the ache of unrequited love:
1) Be Positive: Don't allow yourself to question your sense of self worth. STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS. When you begin to go down this dangerous road, say to yourself or yell out loud, "No. I'm not going there!" Replace the self-hate with positive messages about yourself. Appreciate who you are and what you have to offer. You are worth so much! Say it to yourself everyday if you need to and most of all...BELIEVE it!
2) Acceptance is Key: You may not like it, you may wish with every fiber of your being that it weren't true, but it's a reality that you have to face. If you continue to hold on, hoping for a future relationship, you will never heal and never move forward. Accepting this fact, however harsh, is vital.
3) Distraction Helps: You've just experienced a loss. Allow yourself some time to grieve, and then move on. Reaching out to friends, reading your favorite book, watching a funny movie, or whatever you enjoy doing, helps you to get out of your head and away from the pain of loss.
4) Do What You're Good at: Whether you excel at work, art, household projects, problem-solving, etc. focus on your strengths. By doing these things you will feel a sense of accomplishment and be reminded that you have unique talents and skills that are worthwhile.
5) Know Yourself: Crisis is always an opportunity. Use this time to figure out who you are. Ask yourself questions, "What are my needs?", "What do I want in a relationship?", "What does a healthy relationship look like?" If you realize that you've been in this situation before ask yourself, "How did I end up here again?" Recognizing a pattern, and learning about yourself are essential to change and growth.
6) Envision a Bright Future: There is always hope for a future relationship with someone who values you, respects you, and truly appreciates what you have to offer. Take a few minutes each day to think about this, imagine that future, and focus on the positive qualities you want in a relationship and a significant other. There is no perfect relationship and no perfect partner, but your vision can be a guide to helping you learn the healthy signs (and warning signs) as you begin to reenter the world of dating.
